I don't usually talk about my role as a mom--this is a design blog, and many visitors here may have little or no desire to read a "mommy blog" (there are several excellent ones out there and I am about to provide you a link to a post that really reached out and grabbed me this morning. ) However, at times it is really difficult to rein in the many thoughts I have when I stumble across an article or a post---there's that eruption of internal dialogue and the desire to discuss it with loved ones (YOU)....I'm taking a bit of a departure from the norm today because I feel that at some level, this post touches all of us, because we were all kids once, and no matter which "stage" of life you're at..happily unmarried, happily married, kids/no kids/thinking of kids/avoiding kids at all costs, empty nesters, grandparents, this is one topic that touches all of us. Mostly though, as I sit here typing this, with the incessant prattle of my six year old coming from the next room, I am overwhelmed by my need to protect that innocence. So if you haven't read this post today, please make sure you make the time to do so.
And spread the word.
We need to be more open about this sort of thing for sure. I totally agree with her first rule... don't push your kids to hug other people (even grandparents) and don't shame him/her if she refuses to be with some one. Guilt of not doing something expected by elders is a major reason for kids to clam up.
ReplyDeleteA very, Very thought provoking post...thanks for sharing this, Gagan!
ReplyDeletewow.. thats a very strong post..agree with Neha thought provoking..It's sad her parents didn't trust her or she didn't feel comfortable to complain to them about this guy when it happened first/second/third time..Many times in most cases even in much more serious ones like Dowry deaths that's the problem not developing that trust with your children..believing in what they are saying ..instead of thinking its all her imagination.But how do you prevent this crime from happening in the first place is big case of worry.
ReplyDelete@R: she raises some very valid points and yes, I agree with you on the first rule!
ReplyDelete@Neha, the whole idea was to get people to read, internalize and think about it--that's usually the first step, right? I appreciate your coming back to me with your feedback.
@Purnima: not sure if that was her take home message here. I think she only mentioned her story as an example of what did/might happen. The important part for me, is that we as parents realize that it is our responsibility to protect our kids till they can fend for themselves. Talking about it, building awareness (and removing the taboo) around these issues is a very important first step. Parent awareness= safer surroundings for kids. And yes, trust is a big part of it. She did have some great pointers on how we can help spread the word and take the first steps in preventing crimes like these.
Hi Gagan,
ReplyDeleteI have to say, that the post was almost too painful for me to finish, but I'm glad I did, because the pointers at the end were a very real, and empowering conclusion.
I think another issue is the lack of awareness on emotional abuse. Many children are already broken down by years of belittling and insulting behaviour from parents and other family members. Their parents don't see it as harmful, in fact, many might believe that it is part of disciplining a child. But it has the effect of breaking down the defenses of an innocent, so that if they do face a demeaning situation such as molestation, they are mentally unprepared to fight the abuse.
That was a very thought provoking post. So glad that she had the courage to write about it. Indeed, the more openly we talk to kids, the more open they will be in telling us what is going on with them. Our culture still focuses so much on the shame and keeps so many things in the closet. But, hopefully, with awareness and more of us speaking out, it can be prevented or addressed quickly.
ReplyDelete@ Roshni - very right
ReplyDelete@ Neha - thank you
@ Purnima - its not as simple as that and thankfully - it was never a matter of them disbelieving me. something like CSA is a far more complex issue involving power games, trusted members, shame, guilt, lack of knowledge and much more. hindsight is always 20:20 - but you have to realised we're talking of 25 years ago and my parents were part of the flower power generation. all peace brother and trust. they would never imagine something like this.
@ GB - thanks babe. thanks for helping us with this cause.
@ Asiya - you're right. it can do as much damage as physical abuse and there is much less awareness.
@ Kala - you're right. the focus on shame in our culture is something we need to fight in a united way.
Sorry yaar..I didn't mean it that way!! I come from a different situation. My mom taught us about sexual abuse, molestation and rape at a very early age to my elder sister and later me 30 yrs back. She also taught us in such a situation what we should do. So I am guilty
ReplyDeletethat I fail to understand why women in this era are still trying to create awareness and talking to kids about this. But I guess my situation is different than other women. I apologize GB. Please feel free to delete my comments.
@themadmomma~Thanks so much for this bold post! Indeed very thought provoking!!..
ReplyDelete@GB~Thanks a bunch for sharing!
@Purnima: No, don't apologize, please. I'm sure MM won't mind either, I just feel that unless parents are very proactive and talk to their kids very directly (no shame-shame, no taboo, no sugar-coating) it's like handing your kids over to the abuse. Included in my list of "talks" is tobacco, drugs, germs et al...I don't know if it will work down the line, but I really really hope it will. We don't live in a candyland world and we need to be aware and pass down the message to our kids. I'm happy that our schools here have it as part of the education system, I just feel that if we reinforce the message at home it serves to cement it. Especially at an age that our kids still think we are superheros and listen to us, LOL!
ReplyDeleteKudos to your mom for having the talk with you--that is just what we're hoping to achieve here by posting/talking about it.
@all: Re the taboo, I was pleasantly surprised to see the "ganda touch" advert running on cartoon network in India--things are a'changing....
ReplyDeletebeing a victimmyself..cant tell u how much the post n sharing it means to me....6, 11, 18...none of my grwing years were spared
ReplyDeletethanks for sharing this GB. A very touching post. I agree...its important for children to know the bad touch/good touch..but its difficult for them to understand this concept..like MM said. My rule for the lil one is the same...no hugs to any uncle/aunty..only hellos. If anyone other than mom dad & grand parents touches her ..she is to shout! Well thas the only way i see this working at 2 & i am okay with her screaming her heart out.
ReplyDeleteWonderful post...very thought provoking!
ReplyDeleteGagan, I am glad you "digressed" and brought us to a really wonderful post. I have young nieces and nephews and I worry too because they are such affectionate kids .
ReplyDeleteThis is such a thought provoking post. Thanks for sharing it.
ReplyDeleteGagan, thanks for pointing out this post. Growing up in India, I had my share of unpleasant experiences, but so few that I have been lulled into a false sense of 'safety'. After reading that post, it was shocking to see how many suffered it. I am taking my kids there over the summer and I will be doubly careful now. Again, thank you.
ReplyDelete